"Hi. My name is Jenni and I'm addicted to pilots. My addiction started innocently enough but then it became an issue. I sought them out in airport lounges, flirted with them upon entering or exiting the airplanes and occasionally exchanged numbers with them. It's been two months since my last date with one. I think I'm doing really well..."
I have dated three pilots now (American, Delta and UPS - at least I don't mix airlines) and all have ended the same way. I'm neither shocked or disappointed anymore but yet I continue to repeat the same habits. WTF?!? So in order to help other women avoid the same pitfalls, I give you the top 5 reasons NOT to date a pilot.
5) They're not called the "friendly skies" for nothing. Airline pilots for the most part are friendly. And clearly horny. I was completely surprised when in one trip I managed to score three phone numbers and on subsequent trips did just as well. On one recent return into MIA, I struck up a conversation with a pilot on my way to to the parking garage and in less than 10 minutes, he was asking to take me out for a drink (I declined). Lesson: Give a pilot the opportunity and he'll take it.
4) You don't really want to know what they do during the flights. All three of my pilots shared that they read magazines (I don't think any of them read books short of a flight manual), did crosswords, played games on their iPhones, etc...DURING FLIGHTS. If you're as frequent a traveler as I am, this can be disconcerting. And the things they talk about?!? I can't even go there. Lesson: I want to continue to believe that the pilots flying my plane are doing more important things than I am (i.e. the Cosmo quiz).
3) They don't know how to take you on a date. Inevitably, after the first couple of dates, I was meeting all three of my pilots at off hours and/or in strange places. The airport employee parking lot at 4AM anyone? How about the Admirals Club at DFW for a make out session? And the ever so priceless, airport bar for a quick drink. My least favorite was the "I just got back from an international flight why don't you pick up dinner and wine and meet at my place and give me a back rub" date. Yep. All three of them did that. Their schedules were unpredictable at best so it was always easier just to meet at my place. Lesson: That's not dating. In fact, that borders on prostitution.
2) Bedroom Shenanigans. All three of my pilots thought it was funny to bring work into the bedroom. The first time my American Airlines pilot did the in-flight safety demonstration tailored to our bedroom escapades it was funny. When the Delta pilot insisted on wearing his pilot's hat, tie and nothing else but a smile I tried to play along but found it odd. But the kicker was the UPS pilot who kept making ummmm..."references" shall we say, to his package and on-time delivery skills - and he was completely serious about it. That's when I totally lost it. Lesson: It's just not okay to love your job that much.
1) It's a Lifestyle. If you're not a pilot or in the airline industry, you'll be hard-pressed to find this lifestyle appealing - I realize that holds true for many careers but particularly with this one. I didn't enjoy Skype-ing from Japan to Miami at strange hours, receiving weird chocolates from South Africa most likely picked up at an airport as a birthday gift or waiting for my pilot to shower before touching him because he'd been on a 14 hour flight in a tight compartment. All three of them had very laid back lifestyles when they weren't working that were care-free, schedule-free and child-free. Their responsibilities were around making sure they did laundry when they were home and managed to re-pack. None of them could find the time to meet family or friends, join me in things I wanted to do because that actually required making a commitment. Lesson Learned.
Yes, I still check out the pilots every time I get on my plane (or wandering the airports) but now I'm secretly making sure there are no Cosmo magazines (or worse) protruding from their luggage.
